For years, I tried my best to not be a hater.[1] I can't stand when someone is being a contrarian jackass, so I made the conscious decision to not be a dismissive or antagonistic about something when other people were expressing their love for it. Don't say anything out loud and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Screenshot of tweet by GABRIEL (@gabrielzamora): Little Caesars tastes so good when you don’t have a bitch in your ear telling you it’s nasty
I refuse to be that bitch.

Like many things that have shaped my life, this was significantly influenced by my involvement in the FGC. I was sick of seeing people obsessively making it known that they disliked a particular game or community, oftentimes as part of their persona or brand.

I contributed to this, too, long ago. Back in 2013 or so, I was deeply invested in Skullgirls, the game that first got me going to FGC events. We had a small and dedicated scene, but we wanted the game to grow, so we were always trying to entice more people to playing our game. At this point, the big tag game was Marvel 3, but it was at a time where there was a growing negative sentiment from its players. The game was heading towards its end game, optimized state. Zero won his first Evo in 2013, Vergil comebacks were a regular event, and Chris G’s reign of dominance with Morridoom was ramping up. People were not happy about it.

With people voicing their frustrations about the game, a lot of us in the Skullgirls scene found it the perfect time to evangelize for our game. If someone complained about X-Factor? Oh, our game doesn’t have a comeback mechanic! An FGC oldhead complained about the game? You know Skullgirls plays a lot more like Marvel 2 than MvC3 does! Stream chat complained about lightning loops? We actually have interactive, reset-based gameplay that’s way more fun than that!

In hindsight, we kinda realized that we were just being annoying, in a way that actually turned people off from playing. Over the years, I would see this approach from other people, too. Yeah, SFV kinda sucks, that’s why I play redacted because it’s actually a way better Street Fighter game.

And then I ended up on the other side. The next fighting game I dedicated my life to after Skullgirls (ignoring a brief stint with Smash) was BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle, a game with a large amount of haters even before release. And hearing people constantly deriding the thing I liked, usually with a complete misunderstanding of it, was so wack.

I vowed not to be that person. I would not be a hater.

Then Nier: Automata, uhh, happened.

I didn't play Nier because I thought it would be a game I would love. I didn’t even play it until three years after release. It looked a reasonable game, but not the kind of game that would grab me, and I never really paid it too much attention. But, man, do people who love Nier: Automata loooove telling you they love Nier: Automata. But even that wasn't enough to make me want to play it.

I got more interested in playing it, though, when I had two different friends (who I respect the opinions of) tell me they really disliked the game. Before that, I had heard nothing but glowing praise, but now, the idea of playing the game got so much more interesting. How could this game be transcendentally good for so many people but maybe actually it sucks? So I played the game to find out which of the two I was, or maybe at least understand the disconnect.[2]

I’m not sure if it’s actually important to this blog for me to air out my specific problems with the game and it’s not even that I really think it’s a “bad” game. It’s been a few years now and where I’ve landed is that it’s more of a mixed bag of a game; some things I did not like and some things I appreciated. I think the gameplay is dreadfully bad but I can’t deny that the music rules (I'm listening to the OST as I write this). I think the story is boring and flat, but I do think the way it resolves it is great. I think a, b, and c are bad but x, y, and z are good. It goes on and on.

But this game tested my commitment to not be a hater more than anything else before and it was not even close. I don’t even know why it really became this struggle for me? I didn’t even think the game was bad and I could see a lot of value in it? I love plenty of games that have their ups and downs. Usually, I’ll even appreciate games more for trying interesting ideas even if it means some of them don’t work out. Why did it bother me so much to hear someone thinks Nier: Automata is the greatest game of all time? [3]

This plagued me for a while. I would keep my mouth shut if someone said they liked the game but I would instantly think less of their opinions. Even to this day, if I hear someone recommend a game and part of their pitch is comparing it to Nier, my gut reaction is a combination of well that’s a bad sign for the game and this person has bad taste.

It got bad enough that I broke my oath, but generally in controlled circumstances. I’d grouse about the game or the people that liked it, but only among friends. If it got brought up, I’d be cute and coy about my disdain for it. If it wasn’t with friends, I’d tell people that there was only one game I really hated, but I would not let people know which game I was talking about “because I don’t want to be a hater.”

But man, did hating feel good.

Allowing myself to judge someone for liking the game felt good. Letting someone know I think they had bad taste felt great. Telling someone that I think they only fooled themselves into liking the game because they’re horny for 2B felt amazing.

Was this what I had denied myself for years? Why can’t I let myself do a little bit of hating? Everyone else is doing it, so it’s fine? That’s just how we communicate? Is it not fun to be a little incendiary online? As long as I do it carefully, it’s harmless, right? Isn’t it good to have some ways to blow off some steam? Honestly, in this insane world we live in, maybe hating is a form of self-care, right? I firmly entered my hater arc.

Even after all that, I don’t know if I can really call myself a true hater. I'm a bit more open with it, but I still don’t do it publicly very much and in the end I don’t particularly want to make feel people worse about themselves. Maybe I don’t have it in me to be real hater. Maybe its a muscle that I have to work out going forward or a skill I’ll spend the rest of my life honing.

Or maybe I just need to find more things I hate even more than Nier: Automata.

[1] It’s worth saying this early, but I’m defining being a hater around things that are not that important, like your taste in media or your favorite sports team. If you’re causing actual harm in the world I think you deserve much worse than hate.

[2] I know it’s important to challenge yourself in your consumption of media so that you broaden your horizons and have a better understanding of the world, but I think it’s worth saying that it’s a lot easier to think that is time worth spent with a two hour movie. I won’t ever get my 35 hours I spent Nier back. I guess just be judicious about it.

[3] The thing I eventually realized is that you don’t have to be completely logical in your hating. You can just listen to your heart and follow through on those emotions.